Diamond Princess: How to Find Your Cabin, Coffee, Chocolate….and a Fave Sparkling Swimming Pool

So first things first: Where ARE we? Not in the world, mind you; we know we’re in the Coral Sea sailing along the Great Barrier Reef and on to Darwin (see map). No, it’s more basic

than that. Where are we on this ship, and which way to breakfast? You know, the important stuff. So we’re learning school stuff (map locations), ship stuff (the best places to eat, sun, swim), and people stuff (new friends!). And so far, we’re miserable failures when it comes to avoiding all the fabulous food everywhere, including chocolate on the pillow each night. Who knows, maybe tomorrow we’ll stick to the salads – there’s always hope.* (*…doubtful…..must keep walking).

SCHOOL STUFF

Captain Arma just told us we’re passing Cape Flattery on the port side, which Captain James Cook named in 1770 when he circumnavigated Australia. The Captain also provided our coordinates, and noted that we missed the Southern Hemisphere’s Summer Solstice a few days ago, when the sun sits directly over the Tropic of Capricorn (23.5 degrees S), which we also just crossed. Map geek stuff! If you’re not a geography geek, this is why we turn into tomatoes after just a few minutes under the intense tropical sun without protection. So I just had to buy a cute floppy hat.

SHIP STUFF

But back to being lost. Since boarding the ship three days ago, we’re just getting to the

place where we can navigate to breakfast, dinner, and – most important – the one morning coffee pot going at 5:00 am. A new Cruise Critic friend who’s been on the ship for three weeks already quickly recited three places you can get coffee at 5, 5:30, and 6 am – now that’s my kind of information! I totally like this guy.

So here’s a terminology primer to help us learn our directions:

The BOW/FORWARD

The arrow points to our cabin in this picture, taken from our hotel as the Diamond Princess arrived in Sydney to pick us up. We’re so far forward we can peer into the bridge from our balcony, and while it’s a long walk to many places, we’re ok with that. My step tracker likes this, and hey – we burn at least half a calorie per extra step; every little bit helps. So I only have to walk 50 times around the Promenade Deck to burn off the Princess Love Boat Dream dessert I ate last night. Or something like that. Piece of cake.

Speaking of cake, our dinner tablemate taught us a new, quite wicked behavior: Why not order two desserts? You can, you know! He’s not Australian, by the way. Blame the Americans for this bad behavior tip.

MIDSHIP

Yesterday I found an isolated spot up top for some quiet reading and sunning, near the Sanctuary, where you pay for the peace and quiet (and a private pool), but you really don’t need to pay. I found lots of quiet corners on the upper midship decks, and almost fell asleep but woke myself up before I turned into a lobster.

I found Padre sunning by the main Neptune pool, which has a Big-Brother sized movie screen looming over it.

It seems to be on and blaring all day; not my thing, but for those who like to have the telly nearby at all times, there you go. Last night when we returned from dinner, we were taken aback at the sight of bodies curled up in loungers under special blankets, faces staring at the screen. It reminded me of those old drive-in movies we used to go to in the car with the parents – a bit of a zombie flavor to it, due to the collective staring.

AFT (my favorite location. Burn those calories!)

I ‘discovered’ the aft terrace pool that many Princess ships share as I booked a future cruise recently on the Golden Princess, one of Diamond Princess’s sisters (I plan way ahead, obviously). I adore swimming pools, especially empty ones with stupendous views, and booked a porthole view cabin on the Golden just steps from the aft pool, thinking we could sort of make it our own personal terrace (without paying balcony prices). We’ll see if that works next year. So far so good on the Diamond Princess, though.

Ate my breakfast overlooking the empty aft terrace pool and deck, and had the upper deck hot tub right above it to myself for most of the afternoon later in the day.

PORT/STARBOARD

Our cabin is on the port, or left side of the ship. We purposely switched our cabin from the starboard, or right side (thanks, Shari, for the ‘sides’ tip!) in order to enjoy views of the Australian coastline rather than an empty ocean on all those sea days. We sailed quite close to these dramatic jagged cliffs on the way out of Sydney Harbor,

and now we’re passing Cape Flattery and other interesting coastline configurations as we move north. We have the binoculars at the ready, just in case a whale or two decides to swim by.

PEOPLE STUFF

So what are the unstated, but oh-so-important cultural norms in Australia, those behavior ‘rules’ we don’t know we’ve violated until someone looks at us askance? For instance: Since 2000 passengers are Aussie (out of 3100), we need to adopt Aussie norms for walking. Aussies don’t only drive on the left; they walk on the left. Guess which Yanks have to keep switching hallway sides because they are walking straight into people? Those Seattleites, that’s who. Oops.

And some of the language expressions go right by us. In Why You Are Australian, Aussie novelist Nikki Gemmell helpfully explains some of the Aussie idioms: What does it mean if someone says you have some kangaroos loose in your top paddock, for example? Or you were treated shonkily? Or you’re a sandwich short of a picnic? Or someone says to you, may your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny down? Inquiring Yankee minds want to know. (Hint: none of these mean anything good.) I easily understood my new Aussie friend’s phrase ‘two bobs a snob’ though, as we discussed different ‘class’ levels – such as platinum vs elite – on the ship. (We’re steerage, pretty sure. We’ll be locked in third class with the rest of the rabble if disaster ensues).

After all these months of planning, we finally met our Cruise Critic friends, and the

organizer of our meet-n-greet, Marjorie, thought ahead to invite the captain, cruise director, and entertainment director, who all said a few words in welcome. Our cruise director Lynn wore a bubblegum pink dress that matched her blonde Barbie ponytail perfectly. I suspect the Barbie persona is a ruse, or at least she’s Rocket Scientist Barbie: very difficult job she has, and she makes it look easy. And the entertainment director is actually very entertaining – I heard her tell one man that for the theme party he’d look good in a coconut bra, and instructed someone else who asked what to wear ‘just please, wear something.’ Oh, she’s good.

Our Cruise Critic group came through with some great questions for Captain Gennaro Arma, such as: Who’s piloting the ship right now?” Captain Arma

didn’t miss a beat, reaching into his pocket to show us his phone: “No worries – I’ve got my I-phone right here!” I suppose phones really do run everything nowadays, maybe even giant cruise ships. He handled the next question well too: “Are you married?” He just said ‘yes’ with a huge smile and left it at that. Audible disappointed sighs could be heard among the crowd.

So we’re three days in, three more to go before our first port. I’ve been asked more than once, “What do you do all day for six days at sea?” That’s the subject of my next post. A lady on the elevator previewed things quite well for me, when she exclaimed in frustration to her friends, “I just can’t keep up with it all! There’s too much to do!” She’s so right.

But what’s great about the whole setup here on the ship, is that you really don’t have to do anything at all, if you don’t want to.

And there’s chocolate.