Las Vegas, Baby! The Old Folks Do Sin City (without the sin – how boring is that?)
I finally made it to Vegas, after a lifetime of avoidance. And it didn’t turn out the way I thought it might at all. I love it when that happens (usually).
At first gaze, the Vegas Strip is one huge glittery mash-up of exaggerated everything: Architecture, debauchery, hotel rooms, shows – even the drinks people were carrying around were outrageous. I thought they were giant, candy-colored batons at first …. where’s the parade, I wondered? Until I realized that people were drinking from those things.
And be advised that the hotels and walkways sprawl into, over, and under each other. We walked miles to get anywhere, even to the taxi stands. Fine place for fitbit steps, but make sure you have lots of water. And cash for hailing a ride, when you can’t go one more step.
The nicest taxi driver picked us up when our feet finally gave out. We asked her what it’s like to drive a taxi in Las Vegas; her stories made the hefty cost of our long ride back to our hotel more than worth it. And yes, there’s Uber in Vegas, but it’s not much cheaper than a taxi (we checked). And it’s killing the taxi business, lamented our driver, making it tough to earn a living anymore.
Vegas induced lots of ‘WOWs’ on our part, much like St. Petersburg, Russia. In fact, I found Vegas’s glitz reminiscent of the Romanov’s lavish palaces, designed to impress – just add drunks, sidewalk hawkers in stripper outfits, and Elvises on mobility scooters. Vegas’s embellishments are made from stryrofoam and paint, we learned, not marble and gold, but it’s the same sort of over-the-top opulence – Glitter Gulch on steroids.
By sticking to the fringes for most of our activities, we found a less flashy, more tasteful Vegas, hiding in plain sight underneath the Strip’s gaudy façade. We stayed in a lovely off-strip-but-close hotel, for instance, one without a casino, long lines, or crowds – which cost less than the Best Western we booked in Boise. Vegas has over 150,000 rooms, almost twice as many as New York City, and way
way more than Orlando, Florida. So time to hotel-bargain-shop, for sure, and we snagged a smashing view room with two bathrooms and a full kitchen. Not that we needed those things, since we were on Vegas death marches all day – who has time to cook?
We walked quickly through
the huge casinos, hotels, and shopping arcades to our destinations, not lingering, so we got a taste of all the flash without total immersion. And best of all, we enlisted the help of our niece, a local, who gave us a glimpse of the real Vegas, just like our taxi driver did – where real people actually live and work.
But don’t worry, we didn’t stay all snooty and tasteful – I mean, ‘tacky’ is part of the Vegas experience. We rode the Hop-on-Hop-off Bus two days in a row – how’s that for tacky? We love city bus tours, and hop on in any city that has them since we get a better picture of a city’s architecture than by walking – this is especially true in Vegas. So we heard our tour guide’s stale jokes about his mother-in-law more than once (which happens when you repeat stops), visited the Largest Souvenir Shop In The World, and snapped photos of the Welcome to Vegas sign as it flew past.
Our tour bus also took us to the real Las Vegas, as every tour guide we met made a point of reminding us. The Strip is not actually in Vegas proper – it’s in the town of Paradise, Nevada, and the real Vegas is the downtown one waaaay far away, past all the wedding chapels, past all the empty casinos under construction, and where one of our favorite stops, for the Mob Museum, is located.
And how’s this for tacky? The night before we visited the Mob Museum, our tour guide Bobby Lucetta*, dressed in flashy Mob garb, helped us visit famous Mob and movie sights, on a private tour. It was private because no one but us showed up – woo hoo! We drove around town inside the driver’s tricked-out van, as movie clips played and Bobby explained the nefarious activities of historical Vegas Mob figures. (* or at least that’s who he said he was…..hey, it’s the Mob, after all….).
Some examples: We rolled into an empty parking lot as our driver positioned the van just so, Bobby dramatically describing how the mobster’s car had been blown up right here, at this exact spot. Whoa. Then there was the garish pink house
next to the golf course, sight of several scenes in Martin Scorsese’s movie Casino, starring Robert DeNiro, Sharon Stone, and Joe Pesci. People still live there, and sometimes come out to say ‘hi’. If you’re nice, well… if everyone’s polite, no one gets hurt.
I swear Padre knows every scene in that movie (the chaplain who loves all Godfather-type movies – go figure). Me? Never seen it, since my mind converts violent films into real nightmares in a blink. But Padre and his new pal Bobby were having a fine time. Turns out, Scorsese played it close to the truth in Casino, and historical experts who study this stuff say the movie gets it about right. I’ll have to watch it one of these days (with my eyes shut when the weapons and knives come out, of course).
At tour’s end, Bobby gave us pizza and free tickets to the mesmerizing Mob Museum. We saw the real Valentine’s Day Massacre Wall, and learned about the only witness, a dog, who was never the same afterward and had to be put down by the police (I wouldn’t be the same either – the Mob was absolutely vicious). Or the 1951 Kevauver Mob trials – we sat in one of the actual courtrooms where the trials were held, watching historical footage, just as American housewives did in 1951, since the trials were televised – a first for the country. The birth of courtroom crime dramas, it seems – for real.
At the other end of the Vegas strip, the Luxor’s Titanic Exhibit kept us in its thrall for two hours. We both knew we were toast after reading our passenger cards at the start of the exhibit: Padre got Tom Andrews, one of the designers of the ship, and I got Nora, travelling in 3rdclass, on her way to life as a nun. Come on, everyone’s seen the movie: Male bigwigs went down with the ship, and poor women in 3rd class were locked behind those cursed doors. So no hope for either of us.
And sure enough, once we reached the exhibit’s last room, we found ‘our’ names on the
wall listed under the ‘died’ section. Bummer. But quite realistic, just like the ‘Big Piece’ of the actual ship on display, broken cabin windows still hanging in place. Too realistic for us, in fact, since we spend quite a bit of time on cruise ships. The first thing I said to Padre after we finished was, “It’s just like the Diamond Princess, only older.” Going to have to win the lotto so I can book a suite and go first class, I suppose. Or swim with the fishes in third class, where we usually are (hey, we’re on a retired-people travel budget here..).
And speaking of travel budgets, we sat in the cheap seats for the Cirque du Soleil Beatles LOVE show, in the very last, tippy top row and it was fabulous! We were enthralled with the whole thing – the music, the visuals – there is so much to see, all at once, our heads were spinning. I’ve seen Cirque shows back in Seattle – a pale shadow of this extravaganza. We may return to Vegas just to see more shows like this one, and I wouldn’t call it tacky, at all: I’d call it glorious.
And the best part of Vegas? Our relatives, of course. Our niece, who works for MGM, set us up with discount tickets, and we visited Las Vegas’s new baby dolphin at Siegfried & Roy’s Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat, with our completely cute twin nieces – none cuter. The new baby makes for three generations of dolphins now – just like our little touring group. Our grand-nieces also proudly showed us around their home in Henderson, Nevada, on the outskirts of Vegas. Talk about a different vibe, once we left the strip. Quiet, pleasant neighborhoods in the hills, with parks, schools, and sunset views every bit as beautiful as the ones from our hotel room.
But guess what? No gambling – how can someone go to Las Vegas and not gamble? We had planned to shove some tokens in a slot somewhere along the way, but no. We did stop to watch gamblers at a craps table, but one of the gambler’s plumber 
pants made us move on (ok, now that’s tacky……). I’ll just have to post a classy photo of Bellagio’s Chihuly glass installation to erase that image from my mind, I guess.
Ah, well. I avoided Vegas because of its reputation for gambling, strippers, and sleaze, and we saw plenty of that, like, everywhere – the Strip is designed to make sure visitors empty their wallets for instant gratification, be it on gambling, girls, entertainment, shopping, whatever. But I mistakenly thought Vegas was only about all that. Who knew it had museums, history, and families? Now we know! And we’ll definitely be back (Hey, nieces and grand-nieces, you can count on it!).
Still have one more post about the trip to write – Absolutely stunning sights in Death Valley, Yosemite, Lake Tahoe, and Bend, Oregon. Many more road adventures on the way home, too (118 degrees in Furnace Creek!) so stay tuned – thanks, everyone, for following along!
